She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
