I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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