your parents love me but you hate me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
