I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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