can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
