So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
