My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's always time for handjobs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
