Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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