Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
