based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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