but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Shame - the story of my life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
