Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
