jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
