i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
