just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
