"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
