genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
