..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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