Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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