Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
