You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
