I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
