She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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