Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
