Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.

(314): View more from Missouri

Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..

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(314): Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was. (314): Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night.. http://tfl.nu/wswl

Replies (74) Good night (1412) Bad night (6318)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.

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(832): If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs. http://tfl.nu/152p

Replies (9) Good night (2370) Bad night (471)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........

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(918): If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........ http://tfl.nu/fan3

Replies (13) Good night (585) Bad night (3219)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?

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(225): How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention? http://tfl.nu/dhyh

Replies (22) Good night (1348) Bad night (5190)
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(212): View more from New York

It's never good when you wake up covered with burns

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(212): It's never good when you wake up covered with burns http://tfl.nu/8fkk

Replies (15) Good night (712) Bad night (3927)
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(712): View more from Iowa

He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.

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(712): He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded. http://tfl.nu/0j6f

Replies (8) Good night (1753) Bad night (3471)
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(916): View more from California

Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.

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(916): Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am. http://tfl.nu/a8h9

Replies (3) Good night (1937) Bad night (564)
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(587): View more from Alberta

Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap

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(587): Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap http://tfl.nu/qxhg

Replies (10) Good night (3060) Bad night (911)
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(713): View more from Texas

I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you

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(713): I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you http://tfl.nu/33e4

Replies (7) Good night (540) Bad night (1024)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.

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(570): They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier. http://tfl.nu/s3gh

Replies (17) Good night (2119) Bad night (662)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

eta to your mouth 5 minutes

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(501): eta to your mouth 5 minutes http://tfl.nu/vxef

Replies (6) Good night (1238) Bad night (449)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.

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(843): You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you. http://tfl.nu/p8ms

Replies (2) Good night (511) Bad night (1546)
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(316): View more from Kansas

You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.

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(316): You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form. http://tfl.nu/cz7h

Replies (1) Good night (602) Bad night (345)
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(718): View more from New York

All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."

(347): View more from New York

What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.

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(718): All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND." (347): What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls. http://tfl.nu/5x5n

Replies (4) Good night (939) Bad night (327)
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(775): View more from Nevada

New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends

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(775): New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends http://tfl.nu/xgyo

Replies (4) Good night (814) Bad night (214)

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