yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends