Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires