I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.