Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
