I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
