Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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