i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
