he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ugly people sure do ruin things
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
