as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
