yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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