she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
