i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
