Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
