he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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