it's great music for shaving your balls
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
