nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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