My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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