I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My hand turned me down
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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