moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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