I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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