OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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