"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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