how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
