the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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