He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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