did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
