I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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