You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
