none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
