I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize