peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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