Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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