Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
