Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
