I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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