I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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