doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize