drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
