How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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