i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize