Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it glows. i had to have it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
