apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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