Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
