Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So apparently I’m into choking now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
