shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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