Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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