Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
